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Jealousy, hurt, anger, wounded pride, injustice…all of those feelings are going to tear at you. Especially in the early stages of waiting till marriage, finding another virgin can be so important to you that once you compromise on it (i.e., by dating somebody who’s a non-virgin), it can become all you can see.You don’t see the person as a whole…you see the perfect wedding night/pure marriage you’ll never be able to have if you stay with them. How they treat you, who they are, and how much you enjoy them should be hugely important factors. Some of those other qualities can be even more rare than virginity. But given that the rest of the world is full of one night stands, casual sex, and “hook up culture”, maybe the fact that your girlfriend/boyfriend has only had sex with one other person in the context of a long term relationship (or whatever) isn’t so bad.. Appreciate that in the grand scheme of things, your girlfriend/boyfriend may be much closer to your sincere, genuine idea of sexuality than he/she is to those “other” people’s warped and soulless view of sex.As the one who’s waiting for sex (doing the noble thing), the fact that your girlfriend/boyfriend has had sex before with one or more people may start to really piss you off.In a way, it feels like they cheated on you (and you can’t get it out of your head).They’re a person who really wants to make you happy and to be with you, and you feel bad for hurting them over something they can’t control now.Say these words to them: “I’m sorry, the more I like you it just gets hard for me to think about your sexual past.Maybe they had sex before with one person but only a couple of times.

Sometimes the more you want a person, the more their sexual past bothers you.

You can throw everything else on this list away if you don’t marry the person. The sole purpose of pre-marriage relationships are personal growth and companionship. Don’t blow what may end up just being some good fun by trying to take it too seriously too fast.

As a somebody who is waiting till marriage, you’ve got a lot of pressure on you to find “the one”, so you’re going to have a tendency to try to push every relationship that way.

Their sudden righteous anger will turn your virginity into something that you’re holding over their head; they’ll stop valuing it and respecting you for it as much.

On the other hand, if they start feeling guilty about their past, then they didn’t deserve the beating you gave them.

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  1. In A God in Ruins, Atkinson turns her focus on Ursula's beloved younger brother Teddy - would-be poet, RAF bomber pilot, husband and father - as he navigates the perils and progress of the 20th century.